What is working undercover like? Think about the most scared you’ve ever been. Then do that 3 times a week for 2 years.
On top of this, you will betray almost everyone you meet.
MY STORY
I grew up in the Queensland bush; moving from town to town where the work was. We variously lived in Tambo, Brisbane, Camooweal, Alice Springs, on a cattle station in the Gulf somewhere, Mt Isa, Cairns and finally Charters Towers.
My goal was have a career where I could do something to protect others from harm and to serve a useful purpose.
In 1975, the Queensland Police cadet system provided that opportunity. I lived at the Academy in Brisbane for 2 years as a cadet, completing Year 12 followed by a further 12 months of police training; the first step in a twenty year police career. I wanted to change the world, but I wasn’t prepared for how the world would change me.
On 27 May 1977, at the age of nineteen, I was inducted as a Queensland Police Constable. For the next decade of my service, the police Commissioner was Terry Lewis and Joh Bjelke-Petersen continued to wield power as Queensland’s Premier.
That period is now regarded as the most corrupt period in Queensland’s history with Lewis later serving over ten years in prison and Bjelke-Petersen’s government swept from office.
The vast majority of police I worked with were honest and genuine but it was a period where it was sometimes difficult to know who to trust.
From the beginning, I wanted to work outside the norm, so when I discovered Queensland had an undercover unit I immediately volunteered. I started undercover duty in the drug squad just before I turned 22.
There was no training course in those days and I learnt my craft by trial and error. My days were spent masquerading as a drug dealer and setting up drug deals, working my way up the chain and having dealers arrested. No supervision, little backup and often working alone. But it was a rush. That was the problem…..
After 2 years of working undercover (and forever changed by it), I returned to uniformed duties before joining the Criminal Investigation Branch as a detective. I wasn’t content with normal policing and so I also joined the part time special weapons team ( then named the Emergency Squad). In 1987, this squad was formed into a full time unit and renamed the Tactical Response Group and I was appointed as one of the first full time members. In July that year my tactical team was involved in a gun battle with the state’s most wanted criminal that left one of my team dead and another badly wounded. The offender was shot dead.
In those days, no psychological counselling or support for police existed. That day marked the beginning of a dark relationship, my lifelong battle with PTSD. I knew something was wrong, but no one knew about PTSD at that time and I simply disguised my mental health struggle.
Within 2 years, I left the tactical role I loved and moved to covert operations and criminal intelligence. I was later promoted to Detective Sergeant and transferred to Major Crime investigation.
The nature of Policing is that each day is unpredictable.
In 1993, along with other police, my partner and I responded to an unfolding siege situation in Brisbane’s CBD. I decided to enter the building and found myself face to face with an army veteran armed with a rifle, a hand grenade and an improvised explosive device (IED) containing sixteen sticks of gelignite.
I sat and talked with him face to face for an hour and a half, successfully persuading him to surrender without loss of life.
In 1994 I was presented with the Queensland Police Valour Award medal and a bar to the medal for my actions in 1987 and 1993. In 1995 I was also awarded the Australian Bravery Medal for my actions during the building siege.
I constantly maintained an outwardly confident and calm manner, but beneath the surface I was broken, silently battling the demons of PTSD. I knew the job I adored was slowly destroying me and I decided to accept a job offer in the corporate sector. The anxiety and depression had won.
Handing in my badge and gun in 1995 was the responsible decision, but still one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
My second career then began, in the corporate world, as a national loss and risk advisor for Coles Myer.
A lifetime identity was gone. No more treading the thin blue line for the community. Transition was difficult; corporate life was more than just a different culture; it was a different universe.
A friend and mentor, also a veteran police officer, encouraged me to start postgraduate study without an undergraduate degree. I embraced that with the same tenacity and all-embracing enthusiasm I had used in policing. In 2001 I graduated with an MBA.
Continuous learning is one of the keys to evolving and for me it continues to this day.
I climbed the Coles Myer corporate ladder in different business units over the next few years; but I still felt unfulfilled. I moved to management roles in the security industry and moved from role to role without settling. Back to retail with Borders Books as Asia Pacific Loss & Risk manager, back to security as Australia/NZ GM. I still struggled with fitting into established corporate cultures.
The chameleon skills I had learnt as a covert operative were subconsciously utilised every day to hide behind a well-constructed facade. I felt sad most of the time, resigned to the fact that this was just life. I know now this was the ticking time bomb of PTSD.
In 2010 my corporate direction changed again, with the appointment to Victoria Deputy Director of the Housing Industry Association. In 2017 I moved to my final C-suite role with the Real Estate Institute of Victoria as Chief Operating Officer.
I’d spent years looking for the right counsellor to help me navigate my issues. In 2019, I found the right one who, 24 years after leaving the Queensland Police, helped me unlock the layered trauma of childhood and policing with a formal diagnosis of chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
As part of self-motivated therapy and wanting to give my family a deeper understanding of my mental health challenges and the causes, I began writing.
My first book, ‘Drugs Guns and Lies’ (Allen & Unwin 2020) about my time as an undercover cop in the 1980’s, was a runaway best seller.
The benefit of this form of therapy encouraged me to write a second, ‘Gun to the Head’ (Allen & Unwin 2022), a raw account of my battle with PTSD and recovery.
Both books have become a foundation for me to speak openly about mental health and provide a base of further service to current and former police and first responders who suffer; to help them understand they are not alone.
As part of this new found purpose, I am a volunteer Peer Support Officer with Police Veterans Victoria, an organisation providing help to veteran police who need someone in times of crisis.
In 2022 my final corporate role was over due to a company restructure and redundancy. Far from grieving the loss of identity, I’ve used that chance to embrace my last career of advocacy and support for others to help them recover and lead fulfilling lives.
Throughout my adult life, my resilience shield has been helped by the practice of martial arts. It is an ongoing part of my therapy, to walk into a dojo and be with my tribe, to have shared purpose and to breathe. I train in two separate dojos and hold a second dan black belt in both.
As part of my commitment to continuous learning, I undertake formal and informal training in mental health support to enable the use of my lived experience as a vibrant and real story of hope to motivate, inspire and influence others.
I’ve launched ‘The BANKS Vault’, a safe place to help people successfully store and manage their issues.
I am now a corporate speaker delivering keynote speeches on mental health and resilience; I also provide training for corporations and leadership teams in ‘superannuation of the mind’, preparing people for the inevitable challenges of dealing with major life stresses.
Part of my advocacy is to inform and sometimes entertain through mainstream and social media, including a stint on reality TV’s ‘Traitors’ (Paramount/10). The story of my police career has also been featured on two episodes of Australian Crime Stories – The Investigators. (9/9Now).
I am married with two adult daughters and will forever be grateful for the love and support of my family.
I am also an unashamed Bruce Springsteen tragic.
